I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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