Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
