when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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