ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Randomize
