The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
And then he peed in my hair
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