She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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