you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
