therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
