I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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