You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
