i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
