the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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