you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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