like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
