i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
