We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
