I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
