I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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