Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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