that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
