if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize