If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
