I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
