College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize