I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize