Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
last night I used snow as a chaser
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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