he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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