So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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