I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I can't put those talents on a resume
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize