He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
