He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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