i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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