I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
They took my balls.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
