happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize