If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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