if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize