Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
