I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
