Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Randomize
