so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
well you can't waste a boner
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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