Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize