I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
