also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
