The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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