Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
