Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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