Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
