Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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