is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
