i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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