the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
