i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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