Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
