My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
