its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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