You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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