I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
