I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize