i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
