I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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