Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize