My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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